Chanel Gomaa
after Luke from “To the Bone”
A character in this movie I am watching struggles with Anorexia, and he praises Allah before
attempting to eat a meal.
Nobody told me that Allah sticks around after you betray the body they crafted you.
Nobody at the masjid - or at home - told me Allah would still love me even if I was mad at them
for crafting me in the first place.
Now, Allah holds my hand in all of their own. Walks me to the fridge and fixes me a plate,
while I cover my eyes and peek through my fingers to watch them. Allah wates all night- or
week- or year - for me to take a bite, and mean it.
A character in this movie I am watching struggles with Anorexia, and he praises Allah before
attempting to eat a meal. And it sounds like “of course Allah is here. Where the hell else would
they be?”
A character in this movie I am watching struggles with Anorexia, and he praises Allah before
attempting to eat a meal.
Nobody told me that Allah sticks around after you betray the body they crafted you.
Nobody at the masjid - or at home - told me Allah would still love me even if I was mad at them
for crafting me in the first place.
Now, Allah holds my hand in all of their own. Walks me to the fridge and fixes me a plate,
while I cover my eyes and peek through my fingers to watch them. Allah wates all night- or
week- or year - for me to take a bite, and mean it.
A character in this movie I am watching struggles with Anorexia, and he praises Allah before
attempting to eat a meal. And it sounds like “of course Allah is here. Where the hell else would
they be?”
Thoughts from Depression Kitty
I find it funny that your idea of depression is a swish of some hips and a deep drawl / That
seduction and sadness are synonyms in your scripts / It takes work to look this good / My
depression does not let me work / I never look this good
You got the color scheme right though / Purple / Like a full body bruise depression blooms and
bubbles under the skin / Meeeeeowch / Sensitive to even the softest touch / The smallest doubt
is enough / To make me ache all over
Jessie,
I’m sorry they packaged your pain to be pretty / Depression is not just drinking soupy ice cream
/ It is only having ice cream left to eat / And being too tired to go grocery shopping even though
you’ve been out of food / For a week
Jessie,
They wrote that part wrong / Made me out to be a bad kitty / I never even really wanted to take
over for Connie / I just / Got so enticed by the scratching post of your body / Wanted to know
how many scars we might share / How many lives you might have to spare / Me / I’m on my
ninth try and counting / It seems that curiosity cannot kill me / Since I have already been curious
of everything that could
Jessie,
I should have let you pet me / I should have let you cry into my fur / Not used it to make you feel
inferior / But the writers were afraid of the show getting too heavy / Were afraid of what might
happen if between dick jokes and toe sucking / There was a close up on me / Not purring / No
sass just sad / The bags under my eyes the shade of the sweetest plum money can buy / Watching
“Friends” for the millionth time while you stroke behind my ears / This is what I wish the
audience could have seen / Nothing fancy / Just a girl, and her cat, and their melted ice cream /
But believe me when I say I get why this scene didn’t make the final cut / I mean / A pretty
pussy is so much more digestible than a sick one
I find it funny that your idea of depression is a swish of some hips and a deep drawl / That
seduction and sadness are synonyms in your scripts / It takes work to look this good / My
depression does not let me work / I never look this good
You got the color scheme right though / Purple / Like a full body bruise depression blooms and
bubbles under the skin / Meeeeeowch / Sensitive to even the softest touch / The smallest doubt
is enough / To make me ache all over
Jessie,
I’m sorry they packaged your pain to be pretty / Depression is not just drinking soupy ice cream
/ It is only having ice cream left to eat / And being too tired to go grocery shopping even though
you’ve been out of food / For a week
Jessie,
They wrote that part wrong / Made me out to be a bad kitty / I never even really wanted to take
over for Connie / I just / Got so enticed by the scratching post of your body / Wanted to know
how many scars we might share / How many lives you might have to spare / Me / I’m on my
ninth try and counting / It seems that curiosity cannot kill me / Since I have already been curious
of everything that could
Jessie,
I should have let you pet me / I should have let you cry into my fur / Not used it to make you feel
inferior / But the writers were afraid of the show getting too heavy / Were afraid of what might
happen if between dick jokes and toe sucking / There was a close up on me / Not purring / No
sass just sad / The bags under my eyes the shade of the sweetest plum money can buy / Watching
“Friends” for the millionth time while you stroke behind my ears / This is what I wish the
audience could have seen / Nothing fancy / Just a girl, and her cat, and their melted ice cream /
But believe me when I say I get why this scene didn’t make the final cut / I mean / A pretty
pussy is so much more digestible than a sick one
Chanel Gomaa (she/her/hers) is a poet and teaching artist based in Orlando Florida currently working with the Orlando Repertory Theatre, and the Seattle Children's Theatre. Chanel holds a BA in Theatre Studies from the University of Central Florida, and will be returning in the fall of 2021 to pursue a Master's in Theatre for Young Audiences. She has competed with her poetry on multiple national stages, and has published work with Slamfind, Write About Now, Button Poetry, Defunkt Magazine, and more. You can find her on ig @chanel_hajer