Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz
EVERY JERK IN JERKVILLE
is invited into my twitter stream. Your books
have a kegger in my tote bag. Your stupid ideas
are running my hallways, smacking books out
of my hands. If there were Magna Cum Laudes
in Douche-ness, the ceremony would take all
afternoon. Beard Face, approach the podium
with your unearned swagger so I can drape
this sash around your neck. Dear Spittle & Lear,
please allow me to place this ribbon upon your thesis,
where you compare ten different female body
parts to a speculum. And you, Old Asshole,
allow me to congratulate you for successfully
rewriting the definition of polyamory to support
your every crooked thrust. Oh, the vocabulary
you’ve tasked yourself to teaching young girls.
You astound. I don’t know how any of you keep
a girlfriend, let alone constant carnival of them.
Your cocks must release a powerful hallucinogen.
Your cocks must shoot out struggling self-esteem.
Your cocks must grant wishes when rubbed.
is invited into my twitter stream. Your books
have a kegger in my tote bag. Your stupid ideas
are running my hallways, smacking books out
of my hands. If there were Magna Cum Laudes
in Douche-ness, the ceremony would take all
afternoon. Beard Face, approach the podium
with your unearned swagger so I can drape
this sash around your neck. Dear Spittle & Lear,
please allow me to place this ribbon upon your thesis,
where you compare ten different female body
parts to a speculum. And you, Old Asshole,
allow me to congratulate you for successfully
rewriting the definition of polyamory to support
your every crooked thrust. Oh, the vocabulary
you’ve tasked yourself to teaching young girls.
You astound. I don’t know how any of you keep
a girlfriend, let alone constant carnival of them.
Your cocks must release a powerful hallucinogen.
Your cocks must shoot out struggling self-esteem.
Your cocks must grant wishes when rubbed.
WHAT OUR NEPHEWS ASKED US TO DRAW
Bears eating hot dogs, and fish smoking cigars,
and a picture of Batman’s Penguin, and a picture
of a real life Penguin, and two robots which are colored
to be scary, and a boy fishing for a monkey with a rod
and reel and banana, and Pop-Pop dressed the Incredible Hulk,
and Dora with stamps over her eyes, and Lucas dressed
as Super Man, and Cian dressed as Batman, and a monkey
who might also be a squirrel, and CP30 and R2-D2 riding
in a sailboat called “Vader is Silly,” and Joker, and Robin,
and the Riddler, and a cabin window with three babies
crying their hearts out while a bear covering his ears,
his eyes bugging, his mouth bubble reading,
What in tarnation is all that racket?
Bears eating hot dogs, and fish smoking cigars,
and a picture of Batman’s Penguin, and a picture
of a real life Penguin, and two robots which are colored
to be scary, and a boy fishing for a monkey with a rod
and reel and banana, and Pop-Pop dressed the Incredible Hulk,
and Dora with stamps over her eyes, and Lucas dressed
as Super Man, and Cian dressed as Batman, and a monkey
who might also be a squirrel, and CP30 and R2-D2 riding
in a sailboat called “Vader is Silly,” and Joker, and Robin,
and the Riddler, and a cabin window with three babies
crying their hearts out while a bear covering his ears,
his eyes bugging, his mouth bubble reading,
What in tarnation is all that racket?
Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz is the author of six books of poetry, most recently The Year of No Mistakes (Write Bloody Publishing) which was named the TX Book of the Year for Poetry by the Writers’ League of Texas. She is also the author of two books of nonfiction, most recently Dr Mütter’s Marvels: A True Tale of Intrigue and Innovation at the Dawn of Modern Medicine (Avery Books / Penguin), which was on the New York Times Best Seller list for three months. Her seventh book of poetry will be released this winter by Write Bloody Publishing. www.aptowicz.com