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Dynas Johnson

 minecraft notes # auto-generator of origins
 

auto-generator of origins                i’m afraid of getting lost

[W] rn i carve a bridge through the land and over the lakes
watching the blocks disappear and reappear somewhere
else according to my placements      [A] irl i’m afraid of being
displaced              my old home was an enclave sunken into
a mountain     i was too nervous to travel far but [W] i planted some
wheat and set aside my real life agonies      until a little zombie
reminded me that games are often too places of loss and so home
was stripped from me in unexpected death            [A] disappearing red
red screen opening my eyes to midnight far from home and surrounded
by howling

several deaths and world-binding editing later              the stars
bobbing like cheerios in dark milk                     i plucked myself
up from the dirt and hid myself       then ran        just ran       home
[A] gone this        world’s ever expanding if you’re not careful you’ll never
find your way back               [D] irl i’m lost       i’m guilty about the weight
of my fork between my teeth i’m guilty that i can’t see my little sisters
because i’ve been living in a different covid pod and what if i’m
asymptomatic? i’m guilty that i’m still jobless with college debt
suffocating me under gravel will the air           ever feel again?

[S] feel like warmth like sunflowers like light in my palm when
i’m holding a friend’s hand when will i be able to see their face

irl [D] i’m crying while listening to lofi and drinking chocolate milk
because i don’t feel like eating and there’s snow falling outside
my window and most of my clothes are still at home because i feel
too guilty to ask my parents to drive my stuff over if i can’t go
back home with them so i’ve been wearing the same several outfits
though i’m not going anywhere so my fits stay in the closet
while my pajamas get worn thin

irl [D] i dance around my room and pretend that it’s a sleepover
eat candy with my roommates and listen to them talk about new
game drops but when they mention holiday unplans i stare
at the ceiling imagining a canopy of trees and a scenario where i’m not
disappointing anyone the way i’m disappointing myself

[DDDDD] irl i’m crying because this generator of origins
can’t replace home
i’ve built a new one temporarily [S] i want to find my old one i want to see
if it’s still there



rn [WASD]i’m afraid to die because respawning isn’t always a second chance


​

Dynas Johnson was the vice president and an editor for SONKU, a university-founded organization for BIPOC creatives. She has poems in Vagabond City Lit, Sea Foam Mag, Memoir Mixtapes, Mixed Mag, The Aurora Journal, and others. Dynas’ micro-chap, “living in august”, is forthcoming as a part of Ghost City Press’s Summer Series. Right now she’s very into indie, funk, playing Minecraft, and watching craft videos on YouTube. Find her at https://dynasjohnson.wixsite.com/dynasthepoet or on Twitter @Dynasthepoet.
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