Megan McDermott
A Series of Poems in Which I Imagine I’m A Sister Wife After Watching Too Much of TLC’s
Sister Wives, Meant with No Disrespect to The Actual Sister Wives And Only The Same
Disrespect to Their Fundamentalist Mormon Theology That I Would Give To All Religious Forms
Of Patriarchy
The First Wife on Her Husband’s Wedding Day
He is a fraction less handsome
than the day we married,
though you aren’t allowed
to say that.
He was young and passionate then,
and sure, he still is young,
and yes, passionate too but it’s toward
another and that adds
something ugly to the picture,
I can’t help it.
Only God can help.
The beauty isn’t meant to be him,
anyway. It’s meant to be family.
Me, and him, our baby on the way, and her.
And her.
She is many fractions more beautiful
than I thought the first time I saw her.
More than when I said, “Yes,”
stamped her, and our new life,
with approval. Is it the dress
or my jealousy? Or is it how
I know him? How easily
I can see her through his eyes?
------
Every Other Night: A Second Wife’s Story
On the nights he isn’t with me,
it’s just like before. I bring
out the stuffed animals, spend
too much time on my phone,
draft poems (though now
they’re about the love we make
the nights he’s mine). As always,
I go to bed imagining a someday
life, a someday love. Then
I remember I already have it,
or will tomorrow.
--------
“The Principle”
If I were to be a polygamist
in this fashion, I’d have to believe.
Otherwise I’d be asking why. Why
not be open? Why not another
husband? A boyfriend at least?
A hook-up occasionally on the nights
I’m alone? I’d have to believe
God made us this way, that God
would give me something, other
than a third or a fourth of a man’s
attention and some women
who may or may not love me,
depending on the day. I’d have to
believe. Though believing in my
experience has never actually
stopped questions – even when
believing more palatable things.
How many questions might I harbor,
if this were me? And how many
might be erased by the right man,
right touch? Even if they rewrote
themselves in the morning.
Sister Wives, Meant with No Disrespect to The Actual Sister Wives And Only The Same
Disrespect to Their Fundamentalist Mormon Theology That I Would Give To All Religious Forms
Of Patriarchy
The First Wife on Her Husband’s Wedding Day
He is a fraction less handsome
than the day we married,
though you aren’t allowed
to say that.
He was young and passionate then,
and sure, he still is young,
and yes, passionate too but it’s toward
another and that adds
something ugly to the picture,
I can’t help it.
Only God can help.
The beauty isn’t meant to be him,
anyway. It’s meant to be family.
Me, and him, our baby on the way, and her.
And her.
She is many fractions more beautiful
than I thought the first time I saw her.
More than when I said, “Yes,”
stamped her, and our new life,
with approval. Is it the dress
or my jealousy? Or is it how
I know him? How easily
I can see her through his eyes?
------
Every Other Night: A Second Wife’s Story
On the nights he isn’t with me,
it’s just like before. I bring
out the stuffed animals, spend
too much time on my phone,
draft poems (though now
they’re about the love we make
the nights he’s mine). As always,
I go to bed imagining a someday
life, a someday love. Then
I remember I already have it,
or will tomorrow.
--------
“The Principle”
If I were to be a polygamist
in this fashion, I’d have to believe.
Otherwise I’d be asking why. Why
not be open? Why not another
husband? A boyfriend at least?
A hook-up occasionally on the nights
I’m alone? I’d have to believe
God made us this way, that God
would give me something, other
than a third or a fourth of a man’s
attention and some women
who may or may not love me,
depending on the day. I’d have to
believe. Though believing in my
experience has never actually
stopped questions – even when
believing more palatable things.
How many questions might I harbor,
if this were me? And how many
might be erased by the right man,
right touch? Even if they rewrote
themselves in the morning.
Megan McDermott is a poet and Episcopal priest living in Western Massachusetts. In 2018, she graduated from Yale Divinity School with a certificate from the Institute of Sacred Music, an interdisciplinary program dedicated to religion and the arts. She is the author of two chapbooks, Prayer Book for Contemporary Dating (Ethel Zine and Micro-Press) and Woman as Communion (Game Over Books), as well as the full-length collection Jesus Merch: A Catalog in Poems (Fernwood Press). Connect with her more at meganmcdermottpoet.com or on Twitter @megmcdermott92.