Melissa Lozada-Oliva

Rude Girl is Lonely Girl!: Five Poems Inspired by Jessica Jones
aka WWJD? 

jessica jones is so dark­haired she must be latina
i pretend she is so that i am
not once again rooting for some angry white girl
 
so i tell myself that
all of this throwing a heater out of the window must be chingona
all of this rude lonely girl must be bruja
all of this breaking & entering & you shoot at me,
i’ll pull the bullet out of my ruined jacket &
shove it up your ass with my pinky finger
must be mujerista
 
i tell myself
all of this dark hair clinging to her rosy cheeks like a bad boyfriend
must have been my abuela’s once
all of this smash a cockroach that crawls up the drain
must be with my mother’s fist
 
& when jessica jones looks in the mirror
& says “to be alone is better”
 
it must be me
it must be me
not smiling back

​
aka sin bin

i cheated on my last boyfriend (you don’t know him)
i cheated on the SAT’s (you didn’t have to take them)
i lied about liking your music (you sound like someone i already know)
i lied about the last time i had sex (you said it’s been awhile)
i stole red lipstick from CVS (you look like a heart­eating clown after i kiss you)
i stole a funny line from a funnier girl (you have an OK sense of humor)
i drank too much & danced  (you used to have a problem)
i drank too much & texted you (you have your read receipts on)
i threw my trash on the ground (you believe everything around us is cement, anyway)
i was proud of getting you in my bed (you’re so punk rock)
i was proud of my body (your brown looks good next to mine)
i was jealous of everyone who came before me (you stopped counting after a while)
i was jealous of the name on your arm (you really love your mom)
i cursed around some children (you’re not ready to be a dad)
i cursed the table for bumping into me (you think that’s very Latino of me)
i killed a bug with my shoe (you left track marks on my floor)
i killed the last french fry (you don’t expect me to pay you back)
i was bitter about it (you didn’t have to get up that early)
i’m still bitter about it (you could’ve stayed -­  right here)


aka take a bloody number

isn’t kilgrave all of our white ex­-boyfriends
isn’t the white ex-­boyfriend the kilgrave of the world
isn’t the world ruled by people who aren’t used to being told no
isn’t no the most powerful word
aren’t words what got you here, girl
‘cause you couldn’t keep
your goddamn
mouth shut


aka ladies night

i text myself: hey ma fuck it up
i text myself: hey nasty bitch, u got this
i text myself: hey raging slore, u r the queen
i text myself: but tbh u could do better
i text myself: i can get u out of this, just tell me how
i text myself: there’s an emergency can u come get me
i text myself: i’m right here outside, with everything u asked me to bring
i text myself: i’ve been here the whole time just in case
i text myself: i knew u would need me
i text myself something i would never say: i love u.


sonnet for letting you go aka the sandwich saved me
 
  1. I’m not a real superhero; I just chose the right costume.
  2. I can't really fly; I’m just really good at jumping.
  3. I’m not a real detective; I just learned how to spy.
  4. You said you would never find anyone like me but I am not the only gifted one in this city.
  5. You could binge­-watch me over & over & try to feel different every time the same ending came around.
  6. You were never a Kilgrave, as in, you never made me do anything I didn’t want to do.
  7. Still, when you would hold me I’d think of the girl who could never leave her bed, the boy standing by a fence forever,  all the ways to wipe a body off the face of the earth.
  8. I wish you a love that feels like the greatest hyperbole.
  9. You said I didn’t need an alias ­ that people recognize a hero when they see one.
  10. Now, it’s the alias that spoons me to sleep .
  11. Green men will come back to the city & some buildings will burn down & more cars will crash & trees will definitely get set on fire & I will still check my phone & wonder where you are.
  12. Here's something: You were every street name I recited when I was afraid.
  13. Here's something else: That really was me that saved you.
  14. Here's one last thing: That isn't me anymore.
Melissa Lozada-Oliva is a 2015 National Poetry Slam Champion, a Brenda Moosey Video Slam winner & the author of the chapbooks Plastic Pájaros & rude girl is lonely girl! She has been featured in Bustle, Glamour Magazine, The Huffington Post, the Guardian, & her mom's Facebook statuses. She is an editor for Pizza Pi Press & an occasional bookseller. She hasn't updated her iPhone in 52 weeks (& counting).