With Avengers: Endgame having finally come out, but also having just come out, any of us who have seen it (see: proper humans and not the troglodytic crab-people that seem to populate comment sections en masse) now find ourselves doing the no-spoiler ballet. Essentially tiptoeing over the thinnest of ice in New Rock boots and hoping to not cause any cracks.
And somewhere between leaving-the-theater hype and not-ruining-it-for-anyone-else decency, there is a tightrope to be walked. A needle’s eye to be ducked through, through which we can indeed vent all those feels we spent the last three hours marinating in. We all want to do it. We all want to shout our post-movie exuberance from the mountaintops like we ourselves are the post-credit scene nobody ever remembers to stay in the theater for.
So here’s the secret. Huddle up, because I’m about to crack open the social-media GameShark and let you in on how to dance on this precipice and not plummet to the doom of Facebook pariahship.
The secret?
Pop your ego in the freezer and take a walk.
Close the browser, close the app, put your phone back in your pocket.
Don’t post anything about Avengers: Endgame.
Surprisingly hard truth: your Facebook friends don’t need your smug vagueries about what does or doesn’t happen in Endgame. Your Instagram followers don’t need your spoilery, dog-whistle memes when the movie hasn’t even been out a week. Resist the urge to flash that I-saw-the-movie badge, and keep your hype to yourself.
Now, this may read with all the bile of someone burnt by spoilers. And that’s because I have been. For Avengers: Endgame? Thankfully not, but for any number of other, equally-hyped-and-then-immediately-lumpy-milked movies and shows? Yeah, buddy. We’ve all felt that Durden kiss one way or another, and it ain’t fun.
So when Facebook asks you what’s on your mind, just keep scrolling. Find those spaces where spoilery discussions and threads are already happening, and drop your payload of rage/glee in there.
But for the love of all that is good, all that is right and just and worth the Avengers’ jeopardized lives...don’t post about Avengers: Endgame.
(And yes, this can also be applied to Game of Thrones. The Seven help the person who spoils a single frame of Game of Thrones for me…again.)
Rodney Wilder is a biracial nerd who bellows death-metal verse in Throne of Awful Splendor and writes poetry, with previous work appearing in or forthcoming from places like Half Mystic and FreezeRay, Poets Reading the News and Rogue Agent, as well as his newest, nerd-themed collection, Stiltzkin’s Quill. He likes nachos, analogizing things to Pokémon, and getting lost in Oregonian forests with his co-meanderer, Brittany—the Sapphire to his Ruby.
And somewhere between leaving-the-theater hype and not-ruining-it-for-anyone-else decency, there is a tightrope to be walked. A needle’s eye to be ducked through, through which we can indeed vent all those feels we spent the last three hours marinating in. We all want to do it. We all want to shout our post-movie exuberance from the mountaintops like we ourselves are the post-credit scene nobody ever remembers to stay in the theater for.
So here’s the secret. Huddle up, because I’m about to crack open the social-media GameShark and let you in on how to dance on this precipice and not plummet to the doom of Facebook pariahship.
The secret?
Pop your ego in the freezer and take a walk.
Close the browser, close the app, put your phone back in your pocket.
Don’t post anything about Avengers: Endgame.
Surprisingly hard truth: your Facebook friends don’t need your smug vagueries about what does or doesn’t happen in Endgame. Your Instagram followers don’t need your spoilery, dog-whistle memes when the movie hasn’t even been out a week. Resist the urge to flash that I-saw-the-movie badge, and keep your hype to yourself.
Now, this may read with all the bile of someone burnt by spoilers. And that’s because I have been. For Avengers: Endgame? Thankfully not, but for any number of other, equally-hyped-and-then-immediately-lumpy-milked movies and shows? Yeah, buddy. We’ve all felt that Durden kiss one way or another, and it ain’t fun.
So when Facebook asks you what’s on your mind, just keep scrolling. Find those spaces where spoilery discussions and threads are already happening, and drop your payload of rage/glee in there.
But for the love of all that is good, all that is right and just and worth the Avengers’ jeopardized lives...don’t post about Avengers: Endgame.
(And yes, this can also be applied to Game of Thrones. The Seven help the person who spoils a single frame of Game of Thrones for me…again.)
Rodney Wilder is a biracial nerd who bellows death-metal verse in Throne of Awful Splendor and writes poetry, with previous work appearing in or forthcoming from places like Half Mystic and FreezeRay, Poets Reading the News and Rogue Agent, as well as his newest, nerd-themed collection, Stiltzkin’s Quill. He likes nachos, analogizing things to Pokémon, and getting lost in Oregonian forests with his co-meanderer, Brittany—the Sapphire to his Ruby.
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